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Writer's picturemaverick

Personal Preferences: Towards vs Away


Understanding if someone is more of a "Towards" person or an "Away" person can help you better align with them to speak the language they are ready to hear.





As I've come to learn about hypnosis and NLP over the past thirty years or so, one "key" that has stuck with is this idea of a Towards person and an Away person. It's basically one of the many preferences we all develop over time and we all find ourselves feeling more comfortable with one or the other. I use this idea all the time to increase my chances of establishing rapport and making deeper and longer-lasting connections with people.


A Towards Person

This person prefers to move towards their goals or ideas of success. They are typically strategic thinkers who plan the path towards their destination. They seek others who can help them get what they want and they don't give up easily. They are willing to take more risks to get to where they are headed and are not scared of possible dangers that unexpectedly appear along the way.


In fact, sometimes those dangers or risks actually excite them and motivate them to keep going. In some cases, a Towards Person (or TP) may not even notice the dangers or risks because they are so focused on the end goal and never take their eye of the ball.


An Away Person

Then was have an Away Person (or AP), who prefers to avoid any possible dangers or risks that appear suddenly without warning. They are more tactical or in-the-moment thinkers who tend to see all the ways something might stop them from reaching their goals and then make their decisions based on how to "get away" from those possible blockades or barriers, both real and imagined. They may not always have a clear picture or planned path to achieve their goal or reach their destination. I usually think of an AP as someone who walks backwards towards their destination looking for what could be chasing them vs a TP who walks forward towards their goal and hardly ever looks back at all.


How Can You Tell?

Typically, a TP will talk about what they want or need, whereas an AP will tell you what they don't want or need. As TP is motivated by their desire or even their sense of greed to obtain something, whether its tangible, such as money or possessions, or intangible, such as a job title or respect from peers.


On the flip side, an AP is typically motivated by their fears or the possible consequences of not reaching their goal. In business, a TP will be highly motivated by a new spiff program, where they can make extra money for performing certain tasks in a certain order. An AP will be highly motivated when they hear about how NOT performing those certain tasks in a specific order could cost them their next pay rise or possibly get them demoted.


Can Someone Be Both Type?

I often get asked, "Can someone be both a Towards Person and an Away Person, equally?", and the answer is YES. It's slightly rare, but some people are what is know as a "50/50", where they are equally a TP and an AP.


However, most of us are more 60/40 or perhaps 70/30.


In other words, not everyone is only a TP or only an AP, exclusively. Most of us are a mix between both. Sometimes it's more situational, where we might act like a TP in one case, but then act like an AP in another case. It all depends on the situation.


Therefore, the key to remember is that this idea about Towards or Away is about someone's preference. It is not a hard-n-fast rule.


How Can I Use This?

The easiest way to leverage this idea for yourself is to practice adjusting your communication patterns to align with those of the AP or the TP. Of course, you will first need to determine who is an AP and who is a TP by listening to their responses to see if they describe what they want or don't want, etc., as I've described above.


Then, when you hear an TP describe what they want or desire, you should make sure your response is congruent with it.


For example, let's say your client is a TP and they are describing the type of software solution they wish to have in place to help them grow their business. And let's pretend that you happen to sell a software product that might be a good fit for them. You would then respond by framing the benefits of your product to match what the TP said they wanted.


On the other hand, if your client is an AP and they tell you what they don't want in a software solution, then you would respond by telling them how your software product DOES NOT have those things, or how they can "get away" from what they don't want by using your software product.


In Summary...

During your next encounter with someone, as you engage in conversation, listen for how they describe either what they want or what the don't want and determine how much of a TP vs an AP they are. Then practice adjusting your side of the conversation to align with their Towards or Away preference. You might establish rapport faster than you ever expected.



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